It’s been weeks since my last blog post; almost six to be exact! This hasn’t exactly been the summer schedule I had expected.
We’re fairly careful not to over-schedule the kids with activities but with three kids…well, that’s still a lot of taxiing for this mama.
About this time last year, I was told that changes would be coming at work that would significantly cut back the amount of work that would be available to me. In a not-so-round-about way it was expressed to me that eventually my current job would be phased out completely. Not surprising to me but extremely stressful nonetheless.
With this in mind I began gearing my mindset for fewer hours of work and smaller paychecks. There wasn’t even a thought about all the running I would be doing with the kids. I’d certainly have the time. I also began formulating ideas for opportunities that would still allow me to work from home and bring in at least some kind of income which we desperately need. An upside was that fewer hours at work would allow me time to begin to realize other potential options.
Instead, what has happened is that the “big changes” at work have been pushed out not once or twice but three times since this time last year. Now we’ve been told that no changes will be made until 2013. My co-worker and I have been busier than ever! We’ve been falling behind and feeling burned out. When I am overwhelmed I shut down. I call it PWP (paralyzed with procrastination).
I still have the kids to take care of, other opportunities to explore, social obligations, a household to run, living life in general and none of the time I thought I would have to do that. At this point I’ve just been trying to hold on to my sanity and not break down at any given moment of the day. For as “ever-changing” as I describe myself, these changes generally don’t come easy for me. I like my routine. I like knowing what’s coming. I’m a planner. What I don’t know, I fear. It can cause me great anxiety. (sound familiar?)
I have to fight the urge to shut down. I can think about it logically and realize that shutting down isn’t going to make the situation better; in fact, it makes it worse by putting me even farther behind. Occasionally I am successful. Many times lately I am not. The cycle then is perpetuated.
This blog has been a wonderful outlet for me. Cathartic. ME time. It’s a way for me to work through things; process them. There haven’t been enough hours in the day for me to do this and when there have been some moments…well, I simply haven’t had the energy.
I have quite a few things I’d like to share here and I’m trying to get a handle on things so I have the time to catch up on my blogging as well. First, I am going to just try to breathe…hopefully for a few days in a row!